More and more woman landed on Mars

I like this article by Dina Zaman in the Star today, not because of the sympathy, but simply because I never read any article by women trying to understand what men are going through actually, despite their superficial strong image, characterized and demanded by the society.

The only thing I read from women about men is that men are such an ass. I guess we like to highlight only the negative side of ppls.

Some bits of this article is a bit exaggerating or not applicable to most of us, but I think the general idea is true, Its is not easy to be a man!

Is it tough to be a man?
A writer's life
By DINA ZAMAN

[source]

WAVING his hand at me, my friend asked: “Do you know why men visit prostitutes?”

“For sex?” I answered, blithely.

“No! To talk! Men pay prostitutes to listen to them. All the women do is listen. It’s not always about sex!”

In my short life as a woman, I have come to learn one thing about men, and one of the easiest ways of handling their ridiculous logic is by nodding and hemming at the right moments while daydreaming about my next project.

Meanwhile, I store the bits of useful as well as useless information they spout at me in one corner of my brain so that when they ask whether I’m listening I am able to regurgitate their pearls of wisdom.

Then they beam and say I am a marvellous listener. I flutter my eyelashes and coo, “Chen-chew baby.” Then when I am home I detox my brain. Whew!

I don’t mean to malign my male friends at all; in all honesty, I have utter sympathy for them, because the truth is that to be a man, especially a very successful man, is tough. We’re Asians, and our society is patriarchal. And in spite of everyone saying that they are Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, atheists, I’m beginning to think that money is their real god.

Being a woman is fantastic in spite of our troubles, MPs coming up with crackpot comments about our menstrual cycles (they should try living with endometriosis; that should shut them up good and proper) and clothing; despite the crap and battles we wage, I personally feel being a woman is 200 times better than being a man.

At the same time, I note that 21st century living is a killer. To be a man in this century, I think, would probably mean a lifetime swallowing Xanax (a short-acting drug used to treat anxiety disorders). My friend’s outburst earlier on became a nightlong conversation about what it meant to be a contemporary Malaysian man.

It is not enough to have a good job, he has to be a millionaire at that. It is not enough to have a wife and family, because as he rises to the top, there is pressure to conform to society’s idea of wealth: taking on mistresses and other wives.

Friends and peers compete with each other on who has a better Number Two while nubile women throw themselves at him. If that’s not enough, men compete over other things: cars, watches, clothes, holidays, hobbies, country clubs.

My God, these men!

And, yes, he has to be the best lover in the country. No wonder Viagra is doing brisk sales. All these pressures would render even a tomcat in heat impotent.

I also believe women too play a part in this. I may have said I’m all for women’s rights, but I’m not blind. It’s never enough for some women. A lot of mothers, wives and girlfriends want this, this, and that.

You can’t marry the girl you really love, you must marry a girl from the right sort of background.

Wives, especially the harridan types married their men because of prospect! Ambition! Security! Hell, in this town, what is love? It sure ain’t carte blanche to the good life. If you call this feminism, well, it’s bonkers.

I have this friend. Very successful divorced man, who’s in love with a single mother but his maman wants him to marry a virgin from the right background. I still remember him bawling at his mother over the phone, “Mak! I don’t want a virgin! I’m not a virgin myself!”

A lot of times, I blame mothers (not all, so don’t chuck the kuali at me yet) for these pressures. Men can’t upset their mothers, not in Malaysia anyway. Which is probably why we single girls opt to stay single: nobody wants to deal with fearsome mothers-in-law.

The pressure to succeed is another thing. From the time men were babies, it’s been go, go, go. The straight As. The degrees, and then the jobs. Hitting big time. Their fathers are equally as cruel as their mothers. That’s it? You call that success? Turn your company into a PLC first, then we'll talk.

Men in the end believe that money is power. This goes from top down and bottom up. A man’s role is to provide. Full stop. No wonder they go absolutely potty. They’re not taught correct responsibility, respect towards women and others.

With their families and society perpetuating the myth of Man, and them bending backwards so these men will thrive in this country, KL Tower, we have a problem.

So while our men are waging corporate wars, building bridges and making and breaking multi-million dollar mergers, the retail industry throws them for a loop. Before you put on the Zegna suit, perhaps monsieur should visit the spa and have a facial while at it. Mon dieu. Talk about the emasculation of the male gender and ego.

And these are heterosexual men we are talking about. You try talking to the gay boy who’s a corporate raider but has to pretend he’s straight and has to do all the right things so his cover won’t be blown ... that one lagi sakit otak.

Men, for all their blustering, have fragile egos. Women may weep and wail, but when push comes to shove, women dust themselves off after a fall or two and get on with it. Men drown themselves in material things because these are symbols of masculinity.

As I listened to my friend explain why it’s tough to be a man, I was struck by an image of a tired and bored circus lion jumping through fiery hoops.

“So what do you think?” My friend asked. “Am I not the saviour of all men?”

I looked at him.

“Erm,” I said, “I think you’re going to have a heart attack by the end of the year.”

Dina Zaman’s journalistic hero is Tintin, Boy Reporter.