No Air

LOVE

I can live only wholly with you or not at all -
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits -
Yes, unhappily it must be so -
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life -
Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men -
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once -
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -
Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Dont get me wrong!
I went for a movie las weekend, and I think that was the most beautiful piece of love poem I ever heard

Sorry for being invisible

Salam my frens and visitors
I owe u all an apology, as I am long time away or being invisible or whatever equivalent term that refers to not being able to update my blog
I know don't even know what I stand for, in certain issues that I have been struggling for so long, please be kind to me, and forgive my disappearance.
I think I need time to reclaim myself and do a bit of soul searching beside the demanding workload of my research.
-me being not so strong anymore-

Penguin! Penguin! Penguin!

Finally, I saw a group of them yesterday, right in front of me, happy like a kid


It was a great day...pictures comin soon, the professional photographer hasn't uploaded the pics yet ;P

Way too smart for her* age

thats the expression she'll make if somebody ask her to smile ;)





...kerinduan kpd kampung halaman yg amat, hu melancholic sunday...

*she is my 1+ year old niece

Understanding Homosexuality

A brilliant talk on describing homosexuality from developmental psychology perspective...



this vdo allow us to understand what does homosexuality alternatively means, rather than looking at it as a normal biological anomaly.

because if we look at it as a normal deviant, it doesn't 'fit-in' in the Religion perspective. Because most Religion condemn this (which actually condemning the act of homosexuality, i.e. having sex with the same gender, not the sexual tendency),
I don't believe whats in our thought matter (as it is all considered as temptation), what matters to Him is our action. After all isn't life is a test?

It is not only Malaysian sisters dillema

If u are a women, and considering of gettg married, but u think that it is mission impossible
this video might help, but take it lightly, its Baba Ali ;)

"A Man is an Island"

John Bon Jovi wrote in one of his famous song that 'no man is an island'.
I choose not to believe so...
In this I have to totally agree with Hugh Grant in 'About a Boy'

of course minus the 'magnet to Swedish tourist"

Why I like to delude my self in thinking such? because i think relationship (u know what kind of relationship i refer to) is the most complicated thing in the world.

But sometimes I cant help myself feelin that, deluding myself into thinking 'a man is an island' is a complete bullocks.
Maybe I feel a bit lonely today. End of the story. The rest of it the world doesnt need to know ;)

OK, above is just a prologue.

I thought im not going to do the anniversary thing anymore but I cant help myself mentioning it, I just passed a quarter year here. 3 months!
I travel a lot since last week. Last Friday went to Oxford for my research group meetg. It was cool. cant describe more, id signed an agreement, it is a top secret hehe

This week Ive been traveling to London everyday since Wednesday, bcos I have to attend a short course. I cant imagine if I have to do it on daily basis, the public transport is really horrible in the morning. Thank God I live quite away from the bustling city.

Today is the last day of the course, the evening after the course, I went to Wesminister again, for the weekly anti war campaign but the place is quite, erm maybe i got the time wrong. (refer to the previous post about this.)

So, went to Leicester Square instead, to the Chinatown, and bought few packets of fried rice seasoning, Tomyam paste etc, ie all the Malaysian stuff.

When I was walking back to the underground station, I think I went the wrong way, and ended up going through a street with quite numbers of gay bars! LMAO That was quite interesting, pub, with only guys. I guess that must be the hotspot for GLBT in London, as there are also sx-shops, labeled for adult, featuring guys in spandex and the famous rainbow pride flag.

After rushing through the street (I dunno why I did speedup my walk), finally I come across another street with lots of bookshop, and bought a Persian Poem book from the religion's section at BORDERS (the book was placed in the Sufism section?). Maybe someday Ill post some of the beautiful bytes from the book.

And now I havent yet sleep, even though Id planned to start my jogging regime early in the morning. It is hard to do the first start. Life.

Fourteen Twenty Nine

Hey all, its the first day of the new year in Islamic Calender, the 1st of Muharam year 1429.
Happy New Year.
a fresh new opportunity for a new years resolution if u had break the resolution for 2008. ;P

here's a vdo from RizKhan's bout new year resolution (a discussion with 2 experts in human behavior). Worth checking out, if u constantly break yr 'resolution'.
Thats why I never had any ;)

Two Thousand Eight

First of all, Whoa, time does fly fast!

Thinking that its already 2008, makes me wonder what have I done all these months in this 'strange' land, which is now strange no more.
I dont reach my work goals, lots of things I havent master n read n write, which scares me a lot, if 2++ months feels like just a day, am I going to spend my another 4 years here just like another few days!

hopefully the new year, is a new n fresh start for me.
Need to be more efficient, which in my opinion, becoming more organized. I just get a new bed (its a single) delivered, because i want to get rid of the king size bed which took 75% of my bedroom space. With more space, its easier to organize my space, had planted a plant, and just started an indoor vege farm, just a small organic farm, which consist of 3 red onions, yea to produce my own onion leaves (i think there is a special name for it).

And updating my blog does feel too much, i am not sure why, not that I dont have time, i think i do have time, just now i just spent hours on youtube, (on somethg good), but not necesseraly important for now I guess, i should just had do my works actually, which is the priority. But hey, since i just had wasted my time on youtube before, below are somethg from the tube that i found v interesting.

Speed of light derived from the Quran

Subhanallah. The vdo was titled 'how science destroyed Islam', maybe to redirect the target group to watch the vdo.

And I also met this witty girl on my youtube session.
Here a vdo from her disputing the popular accusation that Muhammad PBUH was a pedophile.

I am amazed, she discovered Islam from self study and you can see on other vdo from her, the difficulty she faced when she told her family about her choice when she was still a teen. I am truly inspired.

And the christmas-new year break had past, I did a lot of thgs during the period, too many, i felt a bit lazy to jot down here. But iA I will jot some worth mentioning, which include the Manchaster trip, the Glasgow Islamic Gath and a conference in the 1st day of 2008.

Here is the sneak peek of the conference.

Note: Despite their 'appearance', these guys have a very 'non-conventional' views on Islam. Ill try to find some time to share what I heard that day iA, or you can search them on youtube ;)

Until later...

2 months anniversary

Neighbour: I think the water from yr radiator is leaking as well.
Me: I dunno, i dont even know how this thing works. (the radiator) I came from a country that is summer all years
Neighbour: (Surprise face)
and the conversation goes to where I from and how long i have been here.

Then while explaining, it struck my mind that, that today is my 2 months anniversary here!
(thanks to my neighbor downstairs that keeps bugging me since last night because the water leak from my bathroom goes through her ceiling)
Now I cant use my bathroom sink, ha, dont have to shave then

OK. It has been 2 months, i think im doing alright. Thanks to Him.
Succeeded making my sensor works, now it is the painful period of stuck in the lab doin works in a freezin and dark environment.

Anyway, its the christmas season. everyone is in the festive mood. and it is acceptable to be a bit lazy. Cant wait for next week, not the festive, but insyaAllah a trip to the north. this week harus kerja kuat! rabu nak cuti raya, actually the highlighted event adalah makan, sgtla kempunan

Forced to be photographed

Last weekend's trip to Central London was the only time I can possibly remember in my lifetime, letting someone took so many pics of me in a day. That was so not me! Anyway pics had been taken, and where else it should be posted rather than here ;)


kenyang nasi lemak Malaysian Hall


the Big Ben


the House of Parliment


London Eye


British Museum, its huge, will come back again

these are 5pics from the 11 taken
I did enjoy the day, not thinking about work for a day

One Month Anniversary

It is exactly one month im here, yesterday. Alhamdulillah. I cant believe I got through it.

Last week I thought I am getting used to the weather, as it doesnt seems that cold for me although it is single digit.
But this morning it was 0 degree centigrade, an d the night before was negative. I was freezing!

And I did went to central London last week ;) Here are some low quality pics from my phone.

Few burgers and a day travel card, ready for some adventure


London Bridge (Correction: its actually the Tower Bridge, thx Becky for correctg)


I forgot what they call this place, the tower somethg i guess


The tower from the side


Natural History Museum if im not mistaken


Inside the very cool Science Museum


As a big fan of this guy, tebalkan muka naik simulator. it was really cool


found this famous place, on my way to London Central Mosque.


then went to Leicester Square, to meet my housmate and return to Sutton. My, that place is so happening.

On the Wednesday Evening I went to this Orchestra thing, well, it sounded absurd, but the event commemorate Malaysia 50th Independence. Actually its not that bad, and I do kind a like this seems to be dorky thing, especially the serenade, quite interesting.


We thought they will play all these traditional instruments, but it turned out to be 100% modern classic , but still sounded Malaysian. Before the event started, everyone in the hall had to stand up for Negaraku. hehe

Well it might sounded like im in some kind of vacation, but its not really the case.
Life at the institute requires really hard work. Only after a month, I finally doesnt sound that stupid in my weekly meeting with my supers. Alhamdulillah. Thanks for the strength.

p.s. dear frens, anyone want a postcard from here, just leave yr address below or mail me, will try to send it :-)

Autumn Sutton

Below are some pics to help you comprehend the awfully described Sutton in the last post



typical english houses




pathway to the institute


my workdesk, before i move to another room


makcik yang hampir diseludup ke ldn melalui hand luggage ;) miss her huhu

going to LDN tomorrow, dah beli pun 1 day travelcard supaya rancangan menjadi

3 weeks in Sutton

Id thought of not posting anymore, but it doesnt feel right, i need to reflect and recap, and writing is a good channel for fragmenting my thoughts and experiences. For my family and friends as well, to inform them that i am still the same hafiz three weeks before ;)

Where to start? Aha the place, Sutton aka London Borough of Sutton, although its in Surrey, it is still considered part of London, its a subUrb of London I guess. In Zone 6, the furthest zone from the central. Its nice here, basically filled with lots of houses, typical English houses, and tress, and wildlife hehe, seriously u can easily spot squirrels, pigeons, other birds that i never saw before, and foxes too! And their size is bigger than their family in Malaysia. The cats too are rather bigger. Probably bcos of the thicker fur. With that in mind, i hope i dont grow too much hair during my stay here hehe. Its cold here, and the weather is unpredictable. but anyway i somehow do like it, bcos its hard to become sweaty here, which is quite a problem for me before.

What else, the ICR. It is a nice place. I got two cards, one to access the hospital (the NHS) and the other for the institute, which is somehow cool! The peoples are nice, and extremely bright! and sometimes i do feel like, am i the only one stupid here? haha. Most of the students in my group have a very strong background in either physics and maths which is seriously intimidating. Thus, I guess i need to work twice as hard.

My supers, they are nice as well, extremely patience with my stupidity hehe. I think they are the most patient academics i ever met. seriously, even after three weeks im performing below par, on the weekly meeting, They are still calm and collected tackling on my weakness, and recommending more reading materials, so that i have a strong related science foundation to pursue on my research.

aha, my housmate, is a very nice guy, hail from switzerland and is very nice (did i repeat? hehe).So nice that, you might think that he is gay if he dont have a gf. He is an atheist, but anyway quite tolerant in dealing with all my 'no'. We do the veges, if we eat together, so there is no problem in the eating department. And his gf is an Indian livin in London, she stop by at our house like every weekend, and she is very nice as well, so i have the chance to feel like 'home', after weekdays spending time with the whites. Bcos of this east and west mix, my house does have curry, rice and not only bread. So its not that bad. Just that Ive to eat sandwiches for lunch at the institute, which left me feeling not so full. Cant imagine how they do that everyday. I bought my own food for lunch, bcos the only sandwich i can eat at the cafes is the cold cheese and tomate sandwich, which taste like yuks.

I havent been to the central London, Id planned to go there today, but I just realised this morning that I havent got my student oyster (a saving transport card for student), so I have to cancel the plan. And went to the town center instead, which have everything u need. Probably next week Ill visit it.

I think thats the major highlight for now. Thanks all for your care and concerns about my life here, Really terharu. And sorry for being idle and my apology for the delay on responding to yr msgs and emails and friendster's comments.

Have a great life everyone!

Finally

Sorry guys for not updating for a while, I just got everything works out at this totally strange land ;-) Anyway I am coping well, dont worry about me. Generally peoples are nice here. Its just the weather is a bit harsh, I almost freezed my brain on my way to the institute this morning Ill update soon. Take care all Cheers

Eid Mubarak

Selamat Hari Raya semua, semoga berbahagia di Aidilfitri ini.
Setahun berlalu begitu pantas, esok bermula musim baru JOLAS, stay tune k ;-P.
Doakan dipermudahkan.

To all my friends in Malaysia, insyaAllah kita jumpa lagi. Salam.

Morning in HUSM

No, Not at this clinic, the Psychiatry. Went to the Orthopedic, the clinic beside Psych, to remove operation stitches from my previous minor surgery (foreign body removal).


The Orthopedic Clinic. Observe the clinic's front desk differences (with above), looks like this clinic is well funded compared to the Psych.


And the book that accompanied me that morning. Thank God I finally found it at Border's Times Square during my recent trip to KL. Had been looking for it all over Penang, but couldn't find. Highly recommended, even if you are an extrovert.

Introvert and Proud! ;-)

12 hours in KL

Had return in one piece this morning from my trip to KL, Alhamdulillah segala urusan dipermudah.

Sempat juga ke Tasik Titiwangsa naik Eye on Malaysia. Thanks Zakiah (coursemate dulu) for accompanying me around KL that day, walaupun dah naik dan waktu tu mmg langsng tak sesuai, dengan panas terik 2pm.





Gayat! Zakiah rilek je, berdiri dlm coach tu, sambil menerangkan prinsip physics yang berlaku :P

And Thx to Rizuan (schoolmate dulu) sudi berbuka bersama di Times Square walaupun sgt lah sibuk dgn final yr project.

Seronok berjalan, walaupun dlm keadaan berpuasa.

Guys, Will miss u all huhu

p.s. Azim rugi ko tak ikut, best tau naik train hehe

I will never grow up

A Maze of Transportation Methods to KL (my personal journey to collect my visa tomorrow)

Want to go via KTM train (13 hours journey 6pm-7pm, but I think it is worth a try, plus it have berth to sleep on, will be much more convenient than bus, plus my head dept in the UK, is a locomotive collector/fan, will have somethg to talk about with him, i mean out of the academic thgs)
ACCESS DENIED: adviced to take a bus to Shah Alam, go to yr relative house, and ask his help to take you to the Visa Center

Dont like to interrupt others daily life, plus I am not that close to him.
And if I took a bus, I will arrive early morning, since bus trips are usually at night.
Thus, still insist with train
ACCESS GRANTED: not fully heartedly, they bought me a train ticket.

Later told by the granters: You cant bring yr laptop along, also yr atm card. KL is not a safe place. And they brought up the issue of me being robed in KL 4 years ago (I made a mistake, waitin for my fren at a black area in KL, the Central Market). Old memories freshen up again.

Without laptop, the 13 hours journey will become unbearable. And I am now feels insecure about this trip, If others don't believe in me, how can I believe in myself. Dont wanna be blamed later, if somethg happens to me in the trip that is not really agreed by the access granter.

Thus, I had made a decision to sell back the train ticket (will lost 50%) and buy a return (on the same day) flight ticket. Yup that had pissed off the access granters. (I am really sorry, didnt mean to be a disobedient son Huhu)
I think that is the safest. Reduce my time being in KL, and hopefully i am back in one piece.

Pray for my safe journey ya this Monday.

-7.45 am-
After an hour later of rethinking:
I think I shouldn't give up and will go on with the train journey.
I have to believe that I can stand on my own two feet.
I have to grow up!